I was in a much darker place before the last year, and I think I still am.
Why is it that you want something for yourself, you want something with all your life,
But you often find other people with the same thing, while you still yearn for that. It throws you into an abyss of anger and frustration and makes you question your life choices and ability to work hard and achieve.
It's not always about getting an A or scoring the highest in a class. It's more about being happy and feeling accomplished.
What I wanted from life was to have a group of friends, a complete book, real friends, no petty competition, and to be happier, hanging out, working productively, everything people around me have right now. Is it too much to ask?
Was I wrong in making these decisions?
Do you have the same feeling? Why are people who are alone left alone for most of their lives? Even when they try to make changes in life. Changing their personalities, choices, appearances, and how they try to live.
Why do the people you feel the closest to start treating you like trash?
Let me tell you a story of a boy. Nothing too biased, just a story.
He lives in a city full of assholes and learns not to trust anyone over time. Why? Because of all the people he has met, everyone he had opened up to never showed affection but ridiculed his problems and bashed him for complaining about life. "Life is difficult for everyone."
He tries to move forward in life, moves out of his comfort zone, and tries to communicate with as many people as possible, but with no luck, he is shown a similar episode. He is taken seriously nowhere, and his friends treat him like competition, not as a friend. Instead of helping him, they exploit his weaknesses. To move and become superior to this guy.
What was his fault? he said too much about his strength and weaknesses.
One day he confronts them about this act of exploitation, but he gets told otherwise. And then he losses the only friends he had. Anger and frustration cripple him. He stops communicating. Others notice but decide not to bother him anymore.
He thinks he is a hypocrite for talking about his strengths and weaknesses to the people he barely knows, while he believes "to never share with people." Slowly he losses the little spark of joy. He soon became a stranger to everyone.
One day he dies without anyone knowing. His so-called friends move forward without looking back, thinking about the relief of getting rid of some competition.
Moral of the story: - I don't fucking know.
Just a question what is wrong with the world? What is wrong with us?
Why is it so hard to have the life you desire? Answer because there is always someone conspiring against you. Remember, if 2 people like you, there are 10 others ready to crush when given the opportunity! Try your best is all I can say because. Your enemy is not you but the whole world, including you.
But some people have true friends. And that is a fantastic privilege they have earned. My advice is, "never let these people go.". If your friends are there in your darkest places. They try to pull you into the light. They are precious. Never let them go.
Friendship is not a right. It's a privilege to all who know its worth.
With that, here is a conclusion to this rant.
This world is very lonely and dangerous, with two-faced pieces of shit who will critique you even though they have nothing to say or might have a different ideology and think it's superior to yours. They might even try to call you a hypocrite for stating the obvious because it is something they are not facing.
Find someone to make it easier for you to survive in the wild. Someone you can talk to, a classmate, someone from your college, or your workplace. Find happiness with them. Nowadays, it is easy to find sadness. So go out and live not survive.
Because no one will help you but tell you, you are wrong and feel superior.
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